Dealing with Guilt (Personal forgiveness)

Are you holding a grudge against yourself…? Most people struggle with guilt from time to time while some others struggle with guilt all the time.

Though I am not a psychologist, I hope you find this note helpful as I talk about dealing with guilt.

For many of us it’s easy to forgive others but never easy to forgive ourselves. If this describes you then my question to you is, why is it that we can forgive someone for the wrong and mistakes they’ve made or done to us however when it comes to forgiving ourselves for similar action, we hold on and refuse to let go?

Well the answer isn’t farfetched. It is simply called guilt- yes GUILT.

Guilt is an emotion that helps us know something was done wrong but it is at the same time a very terrible emotion to live with. It tortures, erodes confidence, make us feel miserable.

Guilt comes about when we continually allow ourselves to dwell and think about how badly we’ve messed up and the past mistakes we’ve made. It makes us reply events over and over in our minds, wishing we could rewind time and do things differently.

Sometimes, we can make amends for our actions but then, we can never change history. Whatever is done is done.

Guilt will tell you. “You should have known better”, “you should have acted differently”, “you shouldn’t have said or done that” but hey! Human beings as we know are full of flaws. You are not a perfect being and neither am I.

While it’s important that we accept responsibility for our actions, acknowledge our faults and mistakes and apologies in an appropriate manner, carrying the burden of guilt around cannot help any of us.

Once we said I’m sorry, for a wrong act, then it’s time to let go of guilt because literally, there is nothing left for us to do. If the person(s) we’ve wronged has forgiven us, why can’t we just forgive ourselves…?

Forgiveness is golden and the highest form of forgiveness is personal forgiveness. Carrying on guilt for something we’ve apologized for or repented from is an absolute waste of time and energy.

Sometimes, its takes time for us to forgive ourselves and let go of guilt but we have to do so in order to move forward. There is no point holding a grudge against yourself…

Life is a learning process and for every wrong or mistake we make, there are lessons to be learnt. And as humans who are ever prone to mistakes, we can never be careful enough not to make mistakes.

Now with regard to faith, let me be very frank. Prayer will not work in an unforgiving heart. We simply cannot hold a grudge against our self or anyone for that matter and maintain a prayer life that gets results!

Guilt is one of a weapon of the enemy (Satan) uses against us. Its tears us down, makes us feel dirty, unworthy and consumes our joy. Jesus Christ did not only come to die for our sins but also to free us from guilt.

Once God forgives, he gives us a clean slate so let’s stop memorizing all our past sins.

I wrote this from a personal stand point. Guilt has for long dealt severely with me. And I am glad that I finally have the needed strength and grace to deal with it.

In life, we learn and move on… so now it’s time to embrace personal forgiveness and deal with the guilt that is dealing with you. Personal forgiveness is what ultimately frees us from guilt.

Just Sharing My Thought
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The past is dead; get over it

Regret believe me is worst of all human emotions. For a long time, whenever I remembered certain events from my past, I felt miserable so I began learning the deeper meaning of forgiveness and realized that true freedom comes from letting go of the past.

The past is a tricky thing and many of us today are paralyzed by it (our past). Interestingly, most of the things we beat ourselves over are things we cannot change so why do we often spend time and energy crying over spilt milk?

It is almost unbelievable the amount of energy some of us waste crying over things we cannot change. It’s high time some of us grew up. There are certain things in our lives we cannot possibly change and we have to be clear about them.

We cannot change the death of a loved one.
We cannot change a business failure. If it’s over, it’s over.
We cannot change the fact that some of us have had bitter break ups.
We cannot change the decisions people make. Some people learn how to make good decisions after they must have made bad ones.
We cannot change the betrayal of a loved one. Believe it or not, in life, you will sooner or later have someone betray you and when that happens, get over it.

Oftentimes, we allow past events to hunt and hurt us to a point where we end up hurting people, breaking up our family relationships and hurting innocent people.

When we hold on to the pains of the past, they define who we are in the present so my question to you is, what wounds from you past are you letting define you at the moment?..

We all have horrible moments in our lives but we cannot continually dwell on it. No matter how difficult or painful our past is we just have to cut ourselves off from it because it has a tendency of messing up our present and our future.

Sometimes it’s hard to forgive ourselves for the silly crazy things we do (or have done) but in truth, the highest form of forgiveness is PERSONAL FORGIVENESS…When we don’t forgive ourselves we become bitter and hurting.

One of the things we can (and should) do to guarantee future success is to forget about past failures. The greatest days of our lives are before us and not behind us so let’s focus on where we are heading – the future.

In conclusion, I want reiterate all I have said… so even if you get nothing out of this note, get this… THE PAST IS DEAD I say that again THE PAST IS DEAD so get over it.

Have you been hurt? GET OVER IT.
Have you been jilted? GET OVER IT.
Have you been abused? GET OVER IT.
Have you been betrayed? GET OVER IT.
Have you been criticized? GET OVER IT.
Have you been denied a visa? GET OVER IT.
Have you failed? GET OVER IT. The fact that you fail then don’t mean that you will fail now.

It’s time to focus on the present and commit to the brighter FUTURE God has in store for us. It’s time to stop dwelling in a pit of despair, moaning over squandered time and lost opportunities. It’s time to release ourselves from the burden of the past and do something decent with our lives.

God never consults our past to determine our future - John Hagee.

Whatever is done is done and over. Our past has been forgiven and our future redeemed by God. Scripture says in 2Corinthians 5:7 (CEV) “Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new person. The past is forgotten, and everything is new”

My past is dead and I’m over it…

Just Sharing My Thought
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Celebrating Mothers all year long

Every one of us has a mother or else, we wouldn’t be here. For some people, their mothers have passed on; for others, our mothers are still with us and we pray they stay longer with us.

Considering the significant role motherhood plays in our lives and our societies, a day has been set aside to give them their due honour and tribute- a day called mother’s day. Mother’s day presents us a unique opportunity to celebrate mothers in a special way.

The world values money over everything else but we know the job mothers do cannot be quantify in monetary term. They nurture generations and shape the future of our societies. So great is the job of a mother that I cannot put all in a note.

I love to write and tell people the place my mother has in my life, but it will be of little interest to most people. All the same, my mother means everything to me. She is the reason I live and I love endlessly.

I am sure anyone who knows my mother will join me and say “thank God for my mother”. Because of her, I don’t only have physical life but also eternal life in Christ Jesus.

No matter what kind of mother we have, our mothers have influenced our lives in many ways and like Abraham Lincoln said and I also say that “all I am, I owe to my mother.”

Motherhood is the oldest occupation in history of mankind. It is the mother of all occupations. A mother is the truest friend we have so spoil your mothers this mother’s day, shower her with love and above all make her eyes sparkle with the joy of knowing she is treasured.

It is time to celebrate motherhood and all that this exceptional element has to offer, for without mother´s where would we be?

To all mothers – we are thankful for your contributions to our lives. To my mother – I will love you always!

HaPyY MoThEr’s dAy PeOpLe…

Indecent dressing

In solidarity with international women’s day celebration, it’s almost impossible for me not to talk about an issue that has for long been ignored yet very much prevailing in our societies and in a culture such as ours.

I don’t want to talk about sex (that’s a subject for another day) but I’m talking about something close to that – indecent dressing. Issues bordering on dressing are personal issues and I don’t intend to violate any person(s) rights especially the rights of women so I will try to stay in the confines of what is acceptable to all so here we go.

According to the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary 7th edition, “indecent” means showing that part of the body that is usually covered. Thus, “indecent dressing” is a dressing that exposes some parts of the body that ought to be covered by clothing.

Indecent dressing though not peculiar to the womenfolk, centers mostly on the female gender. The way most ladies (even young girls) dress seductively in our streets and learning institutions is very appalling.

What they call skirts that they wear is just “one inch” longer than their pants. When they put on such dresses, they struggle to sit down, find difficulty in climbing (okada) or crossing gutters as well as pick anything from the ground.

Apart from the skimpy and tight fitting nature of these dresses, they are again transparent; revealing certain parts of the bodies that under normal dressing patterns ought to be hidden away from the glare of people.

Many because of how they dressed had at one time or the other been abused, become victims of rape, sexually harassed, lured into prostitution and even used for ritual purpose.

Ordinarily, most unscrupulous men cannot behave decently even with decently dressed women, how much more indecently dressed ones? Though a lady is at perfect liberty to choose her own mode of dressing, the fact remains that indecently revealing dressing is an open invitation for (avoidable) trouble.

The behavior of indecent dressing did not develop overnight. It is an accumulated behavioral pattern that could be attributed to poor parenting in the home, moral decadency in our society, peer pressure, the desire to belong and the effect of importation of wrong values from the west.

The issue of indecent dressing ordinarily should easily be addressed in the home but it’s sad to say that in many homes, parents are the ones that buy skimpy and revealing clothes for their children. Improper home upbringing is a major factor responsible for this moral problem.

In today’s fashion crazy world, our society has been penetrated with a lot of (modern) fashion from the western world and so quickly, many fall vulnerable to these negative, degrading, humiliating and anti African fashion sense that does not depict responsibility.

Whichever way we choose to look at it, skimpy, transparent and or body exposing dresses are known to be the dress pattern of prostitutes or whores. Ladies therefore should be careful with the kind of clothes they choose to put on.

Those skimpy, low waists, no waist, buttocks showing, cleavage revealing and body baring dresses have a tendency of putting you in a lot of trouble. Don‘t draw unnecessary attention to yourselves or put yourselves in unnecessary danger in the name of fashion. Save yourself some embarrassment.

I’m not implying that ladies shouldn’t dress and look beautiful. Far from it! Women can and should do all the Mani-cure and Pedi-cure stuff, paint their eyes, lips, nails and wear whatever cloth they want but all must be done in moderation.

In whatever we do, let’s not sweep our values and morals under the carpet. We don’t have to go naked because we want to look fashionable.

Africa has a very rich diverse culture and the African woman has dignity and that dignity has to be protected. We cannot allow our cultures and values fade away while we embrace foreign cultures and values.

Culture as we know is relative. What is acceptable in one place may not be acceptable in another. Every culture has its own way of dressing and Africa with diverse cultural identities has hers. Skimpy, transparent and provocative dresses are anti African.

If we aim to preserve our unique cultural norms and values and minimize the rate of moral decadence then, there is need for us to inculcate strong moral values. A strong value system will enable us discard negative western cultures that are alien to us.

In conclusion, I want to say this is not an attack on womanhood. It’s a call for us to fully embrace positive and responsible living. Indecent exposure is a menace. Let’s encourage modesty in appearance.

Just Sharing My Thought
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