Living, Learning and Loving (Dealing with Conflicts)

Recently, two individuals I love and respect so much got into a needless braw that affected their admirable relationship that span for years. Typical of me, I tried to encourage and share God’s truth with them but they were more focused on tearing themselves apart than making peace.

Their ordeal made me think long and hard on how to act appropriately dealing with conflicts in relationships.

I notice that too often, we allow the smallest, most insignificant things destroy beautiful friendship and relationships we have with those dear to our heart. Like in the case of my friends, what caused their brawl was so silly; it shouldn’t make them want to kill each other.

The real issue with conflicts is that we are a variety of different people with different personalities, different orientations, different ideologies, different values, different beliefs etc so in relating with each other it is natural that we’re going to have conflicts.

We need to see conflicts a normal part of any healthy (sibling, friendship, business or marriage) relationship. Any relationship that is without conflict is most likely not a real relationship.

I can’t imagine living with a person for a life time and not having any form of disagreement with them. Living with someone, you’re going to have different ideas on different things that can cause conflicts.

I remember when I was much younger and growing up, my elder sister Katharine was someone that easily got angered. At the slightest provocation, she will lash out and most times, she lashed out on me. Being a guy I would give her a fight… our quarrels and fights got so much that our mother got tired of separating us. One minute we would be happy and playing together, the next minute we would be at each other’s throat.

As we grew with time, we learnt how to solve our petty quarrels and problems ourselves and the more we resolved our conflicts, the more we began to understand each other and our relationship grew stronger. For many… many years now, we’ve never fought. We’ve only had a few calm disagreements.

I noticed that oftentimes, we turn to experience conflict as an attack on a person instead of resolving a problem and that is usually where the problem begins. So when conflicts arise, what do we do?

Fight through the situation

Instead of fighting each other when conflicts arise, we need to fight for one another. My friends eventually fought for their relationship. Everybody thought their relationship was done and over but thank God they made it through, and I pray that we’ll continue to make it through. A real relationship requires a lot of work, and sacrifices and prayers and patience and love so fight through whatever together, grow close together, laugh together, and don’t give up on one another.

Communicate the offence

You’ve heard it said several times that communication is the key to a good relationship. That is so true… communication is the bloodstream of any relationship.  Real relationships thrive on truthful communication. It’s important that people open up to talk and share their frustrations as well as their expectations.

I’m somebody that rarely gets offended but when I’m offended, I make sure I communicate the offence. I realized that a lot of time, we offend people and not even know that we’ve offended them.

Communication helps both parties understand one another and share concerns that could potentially grow into major frustration. Communication can solve just about any issue so to you reading this, I say don’t allow silence kill what communication could possibly save.

Confront every issue not matter now little

I can say from experience that the small issues we neglect have the potential to turn into bigger problems.  And the bigger a problem gets, the more it gets out of hand and the more overwhelming and difficult it becomes to solve.

Next to communicating an offence, we must confront and quench the small flames that can turn into a raging fire that could kill our beautiful relationships.

Be angry but sin not

In the Bible, we are not told never to get angry! What Scripture says is be angry and sin not – Ephesians 4:26 so you are not going to hell if you get angry. Anger is an emotion like any other feeling. Anger becomes a problem when it is too intense, occurs too frequently and last for too long.

Anger if not handled properly gets out of control and once that happens, innocent people get hurt and we hurt ourselves in the process. SOMETIMES, IT IS UP TO US TO STOP BEING ANGRY OVER SILLY THINGS.

Learn to forgive and move ahead

I’ve been hurt severally by people I love and trust to the point I was unable to forgive people for some particular offences but I'm glad to say that God has delivered me from that! Trust me; not being able to forgive people causes us to miss out on amazing people and beautiful friendships.

We can’t sustain a lifelong meaningful relationship without forgiveness. If Jesus held on to un-forgiveness would HE have died on the cross for us?  Why do we hold back forgiveness towards others?

The same way we’ll want God to extend mercy and grace to us, we must endeavor to extends, mercy and grace to others. Mathew 6:15 says “But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” We mustn’t forget that the grace we fail to extend to others, we will one day need our selves.

Take your frustrations to Jesus not on people

Life is full of plenty annoyances as there are loads of things that constantly drive us crazy.  Even the most patience of people sometime get worked into a furious rage that they pour their frustrations on the people they love. Whenever you feel angered, take a deep breath; exhale then Cast all your cares upon the LORD; for He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7 Take your frustrations to Jesus not on people…

Conflicts from all we’ve seen are indications that there is something we need to address that have not yet been addressed. We need to look for the issues and address them and not attack the person while ignoring the issue(s).

At the end of the day one thing conflict does is, it puts our character and integrity on display. One better reaction can change the cause of a failing relationships to for good (especially if it’s a relationship put together by God). One prayer I pray almost all the time is Lord help me learn how to act right when others act wrong.

In closing, if you’re dealing with whatever kind of offence, conflict or issue in any valued relationship, may I suggest to you that God can redeem anything if you let Him? Give it up to Him and He will settle it.

Life is about living, learning and loving… so live, learn and love.  Try to live at peace with everyone! Live a clean life. If you don’t, you will never see the Lord. – Hebrews 12:14 (CEV)

Grace and Peace be multiplied onto you immeasurably. ♥

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Living, learning and loving is taken from my book “thought of a youth” which is still in the works. Keep a brother in prayer. Prayer is free!  www.thoughtofayouth.blogspot.com

A New Year Is Before Us

If you were given the opportunity to re-live 2013 would you? If I were given the opportunity to re-live 2013, I would 20 times over. 2013 for me was an incredible year but the reality is, 2013 is over and a new year is before us. I am so thankful to be in 2014.

So now…is a NEW YEAR the best time for new beginnings?

I think we all have some pressure of some sort to make a resolution to DO something or NOT do something anymore. I personally would make a list… My resolutions were oftentimes so rigid and then, life would inevitably make one or all of my “resolutions” nearly impossible.

I would have to break my seemingly ridiculous resolutions – which will be followed by total frustration and even anger towards myself…

Over the years however, I learned that a new year does not make a new you; only Jesus can transform us and make us new so do not get caught up in the hype and emotionalism of making resolutions. Making new resolutions when you could barely follow through with the ones you made last year is needless.

Does that mean making resolution is baseless? No… what it means is, a good choice or change can be made not only at the beginning of a New Year but daily, even moment by moment. You don’t have to wait for January as there is never a wrong time to do the right thing.

That being said, what were you like a year ago? Each year, we should be growing. A little less emotional, a little less "self" led, a little more God-led, a little nicer, a little more patient, a lot less jealous, a lot less envious and a little more positive.

If you find that you haven't grown as you would like too, a new year is before you… all you have to do is resolve to resolve…. Cut off from every activity that has gotten you nowhere. Life is progressive and God doesn't like stagnancy.

Enjoy these Twelve Wisdom Nuggets as a New Year gift from me!

1. Fix your eyes on Christ and keep your eyes solely on Him. You cannot go wrong when God is leading you. One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
2. Evaluate yourself from time to time. Constantly ask yourself “I’m I living the life God ordained for me to live?” You may be shocked by the answer but whatever it be, make sure you are not living in deception. Be consistent in prayers and ask the Lord to show you areas in your life you need to work on. You mustn't live less than the life God ordained for you to live.
3. Be responsible and reliable. When you say you are going to do something, do it. If you give someone your word, make sure you do what you said. You must get to a point where no one has to tell you to get to work on time, pray, submit to God, etc
4. Evaluate your relationships... The people in your life are supposed to add value to your life not stress and trouble. Realize that as you grow older, some relationships should not grow with you so evaluate all of your friendships/relationships after which you terminate, demote or promote accordingly. Truth is, not everyone deserves access to you...
5. Know your worth and be comfortable in your skin… If you live on people's compliments you're going to die from their criticism. People are fickle; they will praise you one day then bash you the next day. Don't let the negative people in your life be the ones with the most impact. Love yourself, be yourself.
6. Do not confuse motion with progress.  Not everyone who appears to be moving is making progress in life. It’s not a matter of whether or not someone is moving but what are they moving towards? Motion does not necessarily mean progress so envy no one.
   
   
7. Learn and grow… learning is a prerequisite for growth. Stop waiting for someone else to tell you everything. There are so many books, tapes, mp3s, etc. out today that could teach you what you do not know.  Get knowledge. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom” – Proverbs 4:7
8. Sometimes it’s OK to keep quite...You are not supposed to express every thought that runs through your head. Some things are best left unsaid. And there are some things that must be said and even with the things that must be said, use wisdom before you speak. A few wise words will do much more than a lot of foolish babbling.
9. Spend time with your Maker... I don’t hope God answers prayers; I know He does so get on your kneel and communicate with your heavenly father daily. God shouldn't be the last person you run to when all Hell break lose, He should be the first. “Call upon me in the day of trouble and I will answer you”- Psalm 50:15
10. Reach others with the gospel… When is the last time you shared Christ with someone? Jesus told us to go into all the world and preach the gospel – Mark 16:15. Sharing Christ must be something we do with joy. God has given us another year not only to live for Him but also to reach out with the gospel. Christians make that a priority.
11. Let go of everything that’s holding you back... If you are still held back by something in your past, you are not in freedom; you are still controlled by past incidents. I pray for healing in your heart, mind and body.
12. For some people, 2014 is a second chance. There are some of you GOD told to do something in 2013, but you didn't. The WORD of the LORD is coming again… will you like Jonah respond this time?

In conclusion, I want to say 2014 is going to be a great year for us all. Just make sure that God is leading you in all the things you do. I know it sounds cliche but trust me; you cannot go wrong with God on your side.

Each day is a gift from God, not a given right so cherish every minute that God gives you breath!

Happy New Year Everyone… Make the most of 2014

Just Sharing My Thought

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Quick Announcements

This year, I hope to do a lot of Q&A’s so if you've got questions or have a topic you’ll like me to blog about, feel free using the portal – www.ask.fm/emmasensation to ask your question anonymously (if you so will).

I’m half way through with my book Thought of A Youth – TOY. I’m so excited and I trust God that I will get published this year. Please keep a brother in prayers. Prayer is free! For more detail on TOY, check its exclusive blog site --à www.thoughtofayouth.blogspot.com

Lastly, if you want Christian motivation or a reading plan to read through the Bible in one year, visit www.christgossipnation.blogspot.com or www.christgossipnation.yolasite.com. You can read the Bible online there; get daily prayer point and a whole lot more.

Grace and Peace ♥

Picture Craze

We live in an era of cheap imitation where someone starts something (even if it’s something silly) and everyone jumps on it and social media has become a tool that is misleading a lot of people unknowing to them.

Recently, a random girl took a nude picture of her whole body and sent it to me. I was so upset I felt like punching her in the face. Why would she do such? Anyway, I decided I will speak to the ladies about this issue of picture craze that is fast becoming a trend on social media.

I felt in my heart to address this issue because until you know something is wrong, you most likely will continue in it.

I see ladies upload many different pictures on Facebook, instagram, twitter and other social media platforms. They take pictures of different angles of their face, they take pictures of themselves in the bathroom, they take pictures of themselves in the bedroom, and they even take nude pictures of themselves.

I take pictures too and I absolutely love pictures so I am not against taking pictures but I am concerned about the kind of picture people (especially ladies) take and put out there. If I can see your whole body in a picture you put online, you are doing too much.

 

Impression is very important and you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. When you put out a picture that shows your whole goodies, I’m going to form an opinion about you based on what I have seen.

One of the things I learned as I grew is, I have learned to respect women and I believe all of us men must respect women (and those who don’t respect women should learn).

That been said, I think since men must respect women, it is only fair that women give us something to respect. It is hard to respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves.

There is a saying “don’t leave your dirty leaning outside.” The statement is still true.

Nobody is interested in seeing all your goodies (maybe some people want to but certainly not me). Don’t jump on anything and everything you see going on social media space. 

If you want to be popular, putting up nude pictures is not the way to go. If you want to be popular, start a blog, write a book and just do something positive. I have a decent presence online today but I didn’t get there doing anything stupid.

My mentor once told me “you will always attract your kind” and that is so true. If you put out pictures showing all your goods online in search of a man, you surely will attract some men but you will attract a dog not a real man... A real man doesn’t want to see all your goods.

I don’t know who needed to read this, but I felt in my heart to address this anomaly so if you are involved in this madness, stop it. If you know someone who is losing her mind on social media, be kind enough and call her to order.

This is not about modesty or religion (notice I didn’t quote even one scripture all through?). This is simply common sense and nothing more. The bitter truth is common sense is not common.

Ladies love yourself, respect yourself, know your worth, keep your clothes on and portray yourself as a woman of class and you will be perceived as such and will command respect. Don’t follow the crowd.

In conclusion, I want to say ladies, I am sorry if I went too far with this but it was heavy in my heart and someone has got to tell you the truth and I am that someone that will tell you the truth and point you towards what is right. 

I want you to know I love you all and I am praying for you. Keep being the best person you can afford to be at all times and remain God’s pride!

Just Sharing My Thought

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