Balancing Your Relationship

You, Me and we

Having a "balanced relationship" is basically making time and space for "you, me and we."

One thing I’ve notice in a lot of relationships is the lack of a balance in it. What do I mean by this? When two people come together there are now three parts to a system; "you," "me," and "we."
Let’s understand this clearly. There are two different individuals who come together to form the third individual (relationship) all these three people are distinct one from the other.

Two people in love aside their relationship, essentially live separate life’s with different friends, few mutual decisions and little time spent together hence the need for a balance.

I believe two people in love should not try to spend all of their free time together because it will not help individual growth or the growth of their relationship. Successful couples are those that balance their separate lives with their life together.
Spending time together is important but how much time should two people spend together? In the beginning of every relationship, it is difficult for two lovers to stay away from each other and even if they did, they will use every method of communication (text messages, phone calls, e-mails, etc) to be close.
Not seeing your better half for two days may seem like torture. There are some people who think that they should spend every minute of the day together with their partners, because they think it will enrich their relationship. Do you agree?

Quality over quantity I believe is a good relationship advice. If a couple spends one day having a great time, the memories should last them another day or so, until they are free to meet again. Spending too much time together will not help; it can even make two people miss each other more.

Contrary to what many of us believe, spending too much time together hampers individuality and makes one narrow-minded. In short, spending too much time together will spoil you!
Concentrate on having a healthy relationship in which both of you can grow as individuals.

Follow your dreams. Don’t give them up. Don’t allow your relationship to stunt your growth, mentally and emotionally. A relationship may not last forever. So at the end of the day, your dream is the one thing you own completely.
Personally, I have very little experience with relationships but that notwithstanding, I hope my note was worthwhile…

Just sharing my thoughts…

Divine is ONE!!!

It was a fairly cool Sunday afternoon at Ajah and environs. Nobody could tell whether or not the rain was going to pour considering Lagos’s unpredictable weather condition.

Though the weather wasn’t so friendly, it was good enough for a party and that was exactly what we had. My niece turn one year old a week today, but we picked today to have a little party for her.





Divine and mom


About 3:00pm and the event center was almost filled. Friends and well wishers were everywhere; for a 1 year old party, I didn’t envisage it to be this huge.

It wasn’t the greatest of parties but overall, it was a fairly good party but of course, there were little hitches here and there.

It offered me an opportunity to me met with, reconnect and do catching ups with a couple old friends and to meet new people too…

To all friends and well wishers, thank you so much for taking time out to come celebrate with us. It wouldn’t have been this good without you. Thanks again for your presents. We appreciate.

Special thanks to Hon. Lola Adeyeye aka big mummy…

We sincerely apologize for any unplanned event that must have unfolded. We can only say we will do better next time.

A very big thank you to my wonderful friends who assisted with the organization. I couldn’t have possibly done it alone.

Thanks y’all. Take care, stay safe and see you next year when DIVINE turns TWO…
Do have a Divine week.

Sample of the Invitation card.


Birthday pictures coming soon….

Can Men and Women just be Friends?

This question I believe is an ageless one. If you ask ten different people for their opinion on the subject you will likely get ten different answers and reasons for why they believe what they believe. My opinion – it depends on the people involved.

I think there are some people who can form friendships with the opposite sex and have it remain a friendship and nothing more. They are aware of their own personal boundaries and have the ability to enforce these boundaries at will. Most importantly, they are also able to distinguish the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship, which may be the key to their success.

There are others, however, who are not able to form successful friendships with the opposite sex. They may be too easily tempted by kindness and flirtation, or they may not be able to easily distinguish the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship.
Some may even have difficulty either setting boundaries or enforcing them. Regardless of the reason, some people simply should not form friendships with the opposite sex because it just doesn’t work for them. Regardless of which category you fall into, it is important to understand that given the nature of the male/female relationship there are always risks associated with forming these friendships.

Forming friendships with the opposite sex can become particularly complicated because no matter how genuine a friend may seem, one can never be truly sure about their intention.
It’s true that not everybody would take advantage of our vulnerability intentionally. The truth, however, is that you never really know what is going on in someone else’s mind and so you can never really be sure of their true intent.
I don’t intent to evoke fear, or to advise you not to trust anybody of the opposite sex. My intention is to simply illustrate how the male/female friendship is extremely complex.

Everybody is different. Some people can form successful friendships with members of the opposite sex, while others are better off staying clear of them.
If you insist on forming friendships with the opposite sex, you need to set some ground rules and make sure that your relationship with this friend is clearly defined in your minds before you pursue it. If this sounds like too much work, please play it safe and simply don’t turn to your girl/guy for friendship.

My Best Friend

We couldn't thank God more for giving us friends. When the whole world seems to have lost faith in us, it is only our friends who are able to see the goodness in us.

When everyone around is finding faults in us it only our best friend that we find standing by our side. They seem to have the right word at the right time and even when we don't say a word they seem to understand our feelings.

Besides being pillars of support, friends go a long way in influencing us in the becoming the person we are.

I value true friendship and in this post, I write about my best friend.

As far as girls go, she is my best friend. She is not the most caring person in this world, but when I am in tears, she’ll do whatever it takes to make me smile. She is not the world’s greatest listener, but whenever I want to vent my frustrations, she listens to me. We do not always agree with each others point of view and have our share of arguments and quarrel, but after we fight, she often comes and tries to patch things up without any further arguments about who said what… She is not a very articulate speaker yet, when it comes to my faults, she somehow manages to pick out the right words to make me realize my mistakes without hurting me…when I do silly things, she yells at me and we even fight yet I find her outside my door within fifteen minutes.



Well I could just go on and on…the point is - she is not the greatest human being on the earth, I know she is not perfect but to me she seems like perfection.
With that said, here is a brief story about our friendship.

I got to know her at a very tinder age. Public schools at a time had gone on a nation wide strike and my dad wouldn’t allow me stay home so he enrolled me at my kid brother’s school –a private school (PED).

There I saw this beautiful girl. Though I was very young, I remember vividly well the charming smile on her face and her sparkling blue eyes. I immediately took interest in her and today, she is my best friend.



She was so beautiful; everyone admired her and she was the obvious toast of the teachers and of cause I couldn’t be left out of the her list of admirers.
Though my school resumed and I had to leave hers I knew for sure we were going be friends someday somehow. Like they say “friends will be friends come what may”. Call it fate but I’d rather call it destiny.

I often saw her within the estate but then it was just hello! Hi! And all the greeting stuff. I actually wanted more than greeting but I knew it was only a matter of time before that happened.

After primary school, we found ourselves at the same secondary school KCVI and in second year, we sat in the same class very close to each other. We began to jell very well from then. I remember buying her lunch at times and giving her a lap ride home on two occasions.

At this point my dream friendship had been established and everything was looking good. But again at senior secondary level, she left for another school. That didn’t break us anyway but rather opened a new chapter in our friendship.
Her departure brought us even closer and took our friendship to whole new level.
Fate again took us to the same remedial classes. There again we most times sat on the same desk, learnt together and socialized more.

Then came SSCE registration… we went together to bar beach police barracks to see the process through with her mom’s friend. After that, we relaxed and talked a while at the beach and there after took our longest walk so far together. Aside going to bar beach, we went to other places too together.

At this point we had become really close both at our respective homes, in public and of causes at classes. It felt great.

Like any other thing in life, our friendship didn’t go un-noticed. Some folks never like the idea of us being friends nor understand why we hang out together. Unimaginable rumors went round but who cared? Friendship always prevailed. Yes we had a thing or two in-between but we were best off friends.

She gave me a new home and a new family. A wonderful family at that; great mom, awesome siblings and I’m loved dearly by them. Her mom became my second mom, mentoring me in many ways.

Sincerely speaking most people can’t envisage that our kind of friendship could exist between friends of the opposite sex! However we made it happen. Friendship is friendship irrespective of the sexes involved. Its only a matter of building it through its different phases.

She always tells me over and again that I’m her best friend. One reason behind this note is let her also know she is my best friend too even though I’ve never told her to her face.

Of cause our friendship wasn’t all rosy, it had it share of thorns as well. Basically we fought because I always wouldn’t talk about myself and she really wanted me to talk about myself.

However our ugliest incident happened in September of 2005. I blew a small issue out of proportion. I gave up my best friend and hurting her so much in the process. Typical of her, she tried to patch things up so friendship could continue but I blatantly refused.

It took me quite a very long time to really feel sorry for my deeds. And even then she didn’t give up on me. When I approached her, she accepted me back and everything returned to normalcy.

But just when we were back talking and doing catching ups, I travelled out of sight in pursuit of tertiary education. That however didn’t break us either. I guess we had probably gone through tougher test and distance wasn’t going to be a real test for us.

Each I return to Lagos from school, she was the first to know in fact, I visit her the same night I return.
Over the years, time and tides has managed to keep us away from each other but I dare to say that we’ve been through it all and absolutely nothing can break the bond of friendship we share.

Here is to her; Miss Oluwabunmi Ifedayo Adeyeye.
Miss you dear..

My Gratitude

Gratitude is one of the few things that when demonstrated have positive effect on our lives. This is true because we turn to attract more of the things we appreciate and are grateful for into our lives.

Let’s face it. We live in a society that is all about focusing on what we don’t have. TV commercials, magazines, movies all remind us that we can be wealthier, smarter and have more stuff. Well I don’t believe that it is bad to strive for more. Goals keep us moving forward – they give us a sense of purpose and direction.

I’m only suggesting that we take time every day to focus on what is good, what we have done right, what we love about whom we are and the people in our lives.

It is important that we cultivate an attitude of gratitude for everything good that exists in our lives. We can all find things to be grateful for. Now here is my gratitude;

Most of all, I’m eternally grateful to God for the precious gift of life and good health. I’m thankful for my parent and siblings, and all my relatives. I’m thankful for my friends, and colleagues; for my niece and cousins and for the joy I get been around them.

For every school I ever attended and the people that were part of my life there, I am thankful.

For the friends and co-workers I had at AVLSC Lekki, Netcodietsmann Nigeria Limited and Aid to Artisans Ghana.

For anyone I’ve ever considered a close friend. For the rough times I’ve had this year and in years past that have made me a stronger person. For any ex-girlfriend I’ve had that made me a better guy, I am thankful.

I’m grateful for the gift of family, friendship and love. For all this and for so much more, I’m eternally grateful.
The truth of the matter is, no matter how bad you have it or how rough things may be right now, there’s always someone who has it much worse. And by the grace of God it’ll get better.

Being Single

Many of us are given the thought that it’s okay to be in a relationship, it’s un-cool to be single and in fact you are missing-out if you are not hooked up. But is it really so? Well being in a relationship is a great. After all I’ve been a relationship before and I enjoyed it.

Being in a relationship is wonderful but there are times when we will be alone. Our partners might leave us or we might not have met that special one yet. And of course relationships often don’t always last a life time, it could go off when you least expect. And then you become single again.

Yes being single might seem boring and less interesting, but it has loads of advantages. Now, the reason why single people often become sad and lonely is that they usually only look at their disadvantages.

A single life is not a life of doom, sadness, despair or loneliness. Rather, it is important to appreciate the many advantages of being single.

Without a doubt, freedom is the most important merit of being single. You can go anywhere or decide on anything without being answerable to anyone. Being single allows you to be master of your life, rather than trying to be what you are not.
Guys don't have to worry about missing a Champions League match to watch Nolly-wood movie of the week with their partners, and vice versa for ladies. For some guys, being single helps them learn how to cook, clean and do laundry and more.

Being single help most people control their finance. Relationship besides time requires money, and a lot of it. Lol. When single, you are in full control of your expenses. You save a lot of money instead of spending it on costly dinners at the mall or on overpriced tube jean.

Also there are no worries about Valentine Day gifts, Christmas gifts, and birthday presents. Guys can save towards a future project. Ladies can also save to buy a piece of gold jewelry or a new dress. Being single allows one to save money, whereas being in a relationship could make one use up their life savings.

Another important point to note is control over time. We live in a busy world where almost nobody seem to get enough time, yet still we are compelled to make time for our partners by any means necessary. Mean while, if you are single, you have time for yourself, friends, family, sport, build a career and more.

It is very important to note that not all relationships are positive ones. There are negative one as well. And this could cause one a lot of problems.
When single, you do not face the amount of stress that you would have in a negative relationship.
You don't have to tolerate annoying habits of others like nagging, etc.
You get to know who you really are when you are single. It can give you a better awareness about yourself.

This post is not to discourage relationships; rather it is to let singles out there know that there is no need to be worry or sad, because single people also do enjoy life. We should just look at the positive side of things.
So the next time you find yourself alone (single), don't panic; instead cheer up. Nothing is lost if you don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. In fact there is so much to gain being single!

Now smile and always remember that God is busy writing you the best love story ever. Peace.

Love Hurts

Love doesn't always feel good, like many people would like to believe.

In the early stages of a relationship, it is difficult to imagine that the one you have such strong feelings for could ever hurt you. It is also hard to imagine that you could ever cause the one you love pain, especially when everything is so new. The beginning is always sweet and nice, but sooner or later something happens, and one of you gets hurt.

Have you ever heard the phrase, "you always hurt the one you love?" It's so true isn't it? You may not mean to, but at some point, you may do something that will hurt your partner.
As a matter of fact, relationships sometimes end because of this fact.

Someone once said ‘The ultimate definition of love is not about feeling good but rather about doing good’. Personally I think love means to cherish, hold dear, and treasure. We do not hurt, harm, or cause pain to those we love; rather, we seek to relieve their suffering. It is not about wanting someone; it's about wanting that one to be happy.

Some people give up everything just to be with that one special person that means the world to them but at the end what do they get? Hurt!
I’m beginning to think LOVE means HURT in a way. Don’t you agree with me?

Because if love is so sweet, rosy and not achy then how come we hurt the ones we claim we love?

I’m not advocating for the end of love. But if this is what love is then what is it worth?
I need comments please…