Reaching forgiveness

Have you ever tried to forgive someone only to discover that you are still angry toward that one? Well you are not alone in that situation…

There is a natural instinct in every human being to feel upset, angry and offended when someone wrongs and or hurt them however, some people are more easily offended than others. It is thus important that we learn to forgive so as to free ourselves from unnecessary pain.

Have you observed that whenever you feel hurt, wounded, abused, abandoned or violated, it is usually caused by the ones very dear to you? Yeah! And this often makes reaching forgiveness very difficult.

Oftentimes we feel we have valid reasons as to why we shouldn’t forgive certain people because of the weight of what they’ve done but the truth is, no amount of grieve, pain, hurt or anguish will undo what’s already done.

What is done is done and of course there is no future in the past so we all must learn to look beyond whatever was done. Only then can we forgive freely.

What forgiveness really does is to heal us of all the hurt and the pain of the past so that we can be at peace with ourselves. Like Tyler Perry said, “forgiveness is not for the other person(s), it is for you.”

When we hold on to hurt, we hurt ourselves even more. Letting it go is letting our self loose. Many of us hold on to bitterness and anger for far too long; sometimes for years.

I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be angry over something that was done wrong. Anger they say is a common response to insult.
All I’m saying is that you learn how to let go of your anger, because every moment you spend angry is a moment of happiness you can't get back.

As human beings, it is not strange that we often want vengeance and some of us think that holding off from reaching forgiveness is the best way to get even but that is where we get it wrong. Two wrong can never make a right.

It is not about getting even. It is about doing what is right. The desire to get even with people who offend us is what hinders us from reaching forgiveness.

We must realize that forgiveness in itself is a two way thing. You have to forgive in order for you to be forgiven.

I know some hurts are heart wrenching but it really doesn’t matter the weight of the hurt we feel.
There is no hurt that is too great to be forgiven.

As you go through life you’d realize that even the one person that wasn't supposed hurt you or ever let you down, probably will and you too will hurt people.

Not to forget, we’ve all hurt and wronged God in many different yet even before we ask Him for forgiveness; He would have already forgiven us. This is exactly what is expected of us too.

Let’s all strive to reach forgiveness. Just like the Bible rightly puts it, “to err is human but to forgive is divine.”

Forgiveness is that feeling of compassion that springs forth from within you. Let it out and forgive freely just as your heavenly father forgives you.

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The blame game

When something goes wrong, some of us feel it's time to determine who is at fault and who is not.

As human beings, we have the tendency of blaming others for even the things we do wrong so it is not surprising that oftentimes when things turn out differently from what we originally intend, instead of taking responsibility for what has happened, we look for people to put the blame on.

Interestingly, when someone is blamed, that person tries to pass off the blame to another person and that person either tries to put the blame back on the first person or pass it to someone else so the ‘blame game’ goes on and on.

In many homes, when a child behaves badly, the father will blame his wife for not doing her job well and the wife on the other hand will blame the husband for not staying at home often to see to his fatherly responsibility and so the blame game goes back and forth.

It behooves couples to deal with challenges that confront them together but the habit of blaming others for the things that have gone wrong has caused and disharmony in many homes today.

Many people blame their parents for the things that have gone awry in their lives. They say that their lives would have turned out better if they had gone to school but the truth is, it is not everybody that went to school that had their parent send them to school.

Some too say their lives would have turned out better if their parent were richer but reality check reveals that it is not only those born with a silver spoon in their mouth that make something out of life.

I sometimes wonder if it is an inherent aptitude in humans not to accept responsibility for their own life and deny responsibility for their own mistake or wrong doing.

If something isn’t working well in your life, must it always be somebody else’s fault?
This person did this; that why I am this way or that way doesn’t hold water. I read somewhere that “you are not a failure until you blame someone else for your failure”.

Don’t say you’re not involved with this because everybody somehow plays ‘the blame game’. We blame friends, parents, government, and society for a lot of things.

On a wider spectrum, we are quick to blame politicians for their failed polices and promises however when it’s election time, many of us don’t vote and even those that do vote, do not vote for credible and competent leaders.

Many of us say Africa is what it is today because of our colonial masters but after 30years, 40years or 50years since they left, is our underdevelopment still their fault?
Undoubtedly, it is so easy to blame others for our downfalls. But even when we blame others does it really make us feel better about ourselves?

It’s not as if people and our societies don’t have a hand in the things that go wrong in our lives but must somebody always be responsible for everything that goes wrong in our lives?
If somebody is always responsible for everything, what are responsible for?

In the end it doesn’t really matter who you blame or who is to blame because nobody in the world that has won laurels for playing ‘the blame game’. And don’t forget that when you point a finger at someone, your remaining fingers points at no other but yourself so if you really want somebody to blame, look in the mirror.

One of the many lessons life has taught me is that I’m always solely responsible for my actions. As to whether I was influenced by somebody or society doesn’t matter.

We can't always blame your friends, parents and others for everything because everybody has got a life and what they do with it is totally up to them.

Instead of spending ample time blaming others, take time to check yourself. And while doing so, ask yourself what can I do differently to change things for the better in my life.

Where you find variances in the kind for life you lead, endeavor to make the necessary adjustments and that way, you won’t have to blame others for everything that goes wrong in your life.

We must all learn to hold ourselves responsible for our actions and for whatever happens in our lives because we will all give account of our lives and when the time comes for us to stand before the LORD and answer for our life; we will be standing ALONE.

Stop playing the blame game. The life you have is all you have and will ever have so take charge of it and make it count…

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Celebrating Mothers

Mother’s Day offers us a wonderful opportunity to celebrate and pay tribute to our mothers but truth is, one day out of 365 days in the year isn’t just enough.

In commemoration with mother’s day celebration, I dedicate this note to every mother in the world especially - single mothers.

What is sweeter than a good mother? I have been blessed with a special, precious gift called a “mother” and I hope you’ve been blessed too…

A mother’s love is pure, tender, forgiving, irreplaceable, indescribable and immeasurable.

A mother’s love is the most inexplicable love of all. Starting from giving birth to us as a child, mothers plays various roles in our life.

They inculcates in us values and virtues that will help shape our lives, they teach us the difference between right and wrong, help us realize their potentials, and open our eyes to the world around us.

Aside the many roles mothers play; they simultaneously perform the role of a wife, a sister, a daughter, and many others.

When we do wrong, our mothers arms is the safest place in the world to run to because when it comes to mothers, second chances do not exist. They give us a billion chances. You will never find a deeper human love then that of a mother.

All the things a mother does, she does without expecting something material in return, except maybe for a loving embrace. She loves in spite of everything, hoping for the best for her children.

With all what a mother does, it is sad to say that oftentimes we get so much used to our mothers that we take them for granted.

Of course nobody can ever repay his/her mother for everything she’s done, we can appreciate and celebrate them. A mother’s love is much deeper than anything that can be repaid in cash or kind.

Think about this:

Can we repay our mothers for carrying us nine months in the womb? Do any of us have any idea how painful child birth is?

Can we repay our mothers for all the times they had to wake up late in the night to breast feed us?

Can we repay our mothers for the unnecessary weight they gained and all the stretch marks that appeared on their bodies as a result of child birth?

Can we repay our mothers for waking at 4:00am (when daddy will probably be snoring) to prepare our meals and also prepare us for school?

Can we ever repay our mothers for all the luscious meals they always fed us?

It is not an option that we appreciate, treasure and show respect to our mothers, it is a must and one sure way of doing so is to be loyal to the moral principles, values and discipline they taught us since when we were children.

In the Bible, God Himself commands us to "Honor our father and your mother, so that we may live long.

In view of what the bible commands, I dedicate this part of this note to the most beautiful mother in the world (My mother).

Of all the beautiful and wonderful women in the world, if I’m to pick one to perpetually be with, I’d pick her. Who’s her? She is none other than my mother. Mama is the best thing that has and will ever happen to me.

Though I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth, you’ve never let me go to bed hungry. You’ve always protected and kept me away from any form of danger.

You’ve always made sure that I have roof over my head and food in my stomach.

Each time I behaved naughty, you never failed to reprimand me and teach me the difference between right and wrong.

When daddy died, you adapted to the new realities of life and with your gentle shoulders, you carried the weight of the family and still ensured that you give us comfort.

Mama, you’ve done so much for me and I don’t think I can ever repay you for everything. You are the strongest single mother I know and I pray that God continues to give you strength.

Words alone cannot explain just how much I truly love you. I am eternally grateful to God for your life.

I respect and honor you, I treasure your presence in my life, I value your wisdom, I admire your courage but most of all, I cherish the endless sacrifices you have made for me and my siblings. God bless you, and I love you endlessly.

Even though Mother’s Day is a great day to honor Mothers, one day out of the year is not just enough to show appreciation to our mothers. Every day is a good day to appreciate and show our mothers just how much they mean to us so let every day be YOUR mother's day.

Endeavor to appreciate and celebrate the unique human being whom we call "mother".

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Choose or Lose Nigeria

Elections! Elections!! Elections!!! That is all we hear and breathe as the election days draws nearer. The race for who will sit in the throne at “Aso Rock” and governors offices around the country has intensified over the past weeks and months.

On television, radio and the print media, all we see, hear and read is politics and election stories.

From the streets to our living rooms, the topic being discussed is “Who is fit to lead and deliver the Nigeria that we seek”.

For months and weeks now, the politicians have been all over the place campaigning and making promises upon promises.

When it comes to promises, we have more than enough politicians who can give them but when it comes to delivering on promises, there is only but a few politicians whose words hold water.

A noticeable event going on at campaign rallies is the politics of blame and insults. This party is accusing that party of what they did but did wrong and what they didn’t do but should have done and so on.

Nevertheless, these events are not new to us. They are political gimmicks to canvas for votes. Ideally, what the politicians should be telling us is what they will do and how they will go about what they want to do should they get the nod to lead instead of throwing tantrums at fellow politicians.

The problems of poverty, bad roads, epileptic power insecurity etc are not problems that are peculiar to a certain political party, ethnicity and don’t care about personality.

We have heard all they have to say; it’s now our turn to decide who goes where. It is about time we change everyone and everything that is not working.

Many people in the past vote sold their votes for little favors and some too just vote for a political party they sympathize ignoring whether or not it has a candidate that can deliver.

Ideally, where our vote should sway should not be based on the name or size of a political party. If a party has got a candidate that you think can deliver irrespective of its name or size, vote for that one. Don’t follow the crowd.

Good roads, a proper education system, proper health care, safe drinkable water, improved electricity, employment, security etc are not privileges; they are basic necessities of life that every Nigerian deserves and it is only the right candidate can deliver all of these and more.

Vote for someone that has the plight of Nigerians at heart and is ready to serve selflessly.
Vote for someone that will involve the people to move the country forward and not someone that will exploit the people and make their pocket fatter.
Please vote for a true Nigerian that will deliver the Nigeria we all crave for.


On our own, we can never know the true intention of any politician. It is only Almighty God that knows the true intentions of any human being so trust Him to lead you to vote for the right man/woman.

Lately, there has been a rise in politically motivated violence. The irony is that, politicians never send their children to fight or kill for them so why should we hurt or kill others so that a so called politician can get into power?

Be wise. Shun pre or post elections violence. Politics is not a do or die affair. NO POLITICIAN IS WORTH THE BLOOD OF ANY NIGERIAN.

Furthermore, do not cease to pray for Nigeria. If there is anything this country needs now than ever before, it is certainly prayers.

History beckons on us so be part of history by going out to vote. Your vote is your power; your voice is your voice. Make it count.

Finally, always remember to be the best Nigerian you can afford to be.

Naija oni baje o…

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2nd April is local government elections. 9th April is Presidential election, and 16th April is Governorship and State Assembly elections.

Speak up

Many people today are often too scared to speak up when they should. In a bid to avoid rejection and criticism by others and the society at large, we oftentimes shut our mouth and swallow so much of what we shouldn’t swallow up.

There are a lot of people faced with lot of issues and challenges yet don’t want to talk about them so I wonder how they are going to get help.

At times all you need for an issue to go away is to talk about it but we seldom talk about the real things that trouble us. Some of us want to be seen as one with less or no problems but that is where we get it wrong.

There is nobody in the world that hasn’t gotten a problem or two. We all smile and laugh with each other but dip down we know there is a burden that we wish could just go away.

The first step involved in being liberated is “speaking up” so speak up. If you don’t speak up, you can’t fight for or against. Only you truly know what troubles you and if you don’t speak up, how can anyone know?

Many people have missed great opportunities because where and when they should have spoken up, they failed to speak up so the opportunity comes and goes begging.

Many are those in abusive relationships yet they fear to speak up for the fear of not losing whomever. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been in that relationship. An abusive relationship isn’t something that anyone should stomach up.

Anyone in any of such relationship obviously needs help so if you are one of such, speak up.
Don’t think that the hurt you feel inside will pass with time. Hurt and pains only get deeper with time.

There are many women that are suffering from domestic violence yet won’t speak up. To them, speaking up is weakness. They say a real woman can deal with anything.

There are also loads of children who are being abused even right under their parent’s roofs, by uncles, aunties, relatives and whomever but because they’ve not been thought to speak up, they keep quiet and wallow in pain and misery.

I use to be someone who hardly talked about anything that troubled me. I concealed every form of discomfort. I felt no matter the situation I was in, it was going to die or phase-out with time but I was wrong.
For a long while, I wallowed in loads of pain, hurt and discomfort until I realized the value of speaking up.

Speak out your fears. Somebody might hear and help you get through them.
Speak out your worries. Somebody might hear and help you get over them.

Of course it is not everything that you will blatantly say out but certain things shouldn’t be concealed. If you feel speaking up would bring you trouble, concealing it certainly will bring you more trouble because if you are troubled within, you will inadvertently be troubled without.

There is at least someone around that you can talk to/with and even confide in. If you can’t find anyone like that then you probably haven’t looked well enough.
If you don’t speak up, no one will hear you let alone reach out to help you. Don’t whisper where you should speak out. Speak up! Even if nobody hears you, God hears you.

Speak up against domestic violence, speak up against child abuse, speak up for what’s right, speak up for good morals and values, speak up for responsible living; speak up for good governance.

Think about this; all the crimes and bad things happening around are not only because of wrong doings of the bad ones but more because of the silence of the good ones. SPEAK UP FOR A BETTER WORLD.

SPEAKING UP IS NOT WEAKNESS. IT IS WISDOM SO SPEAK UP.

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Our words matters

Have you ever been in an unhappy situation and somehow someone shows up and says something nice to you and suddenly you begin to smiles? Yes! That’s what kind words do.
People battered and wounded by life situations are often healed by the words of encouragement we dish out to them. Kind words can bring back the lost, change the past and correct the present.

Words are like seeds. If we sow the right words, it can inspire someone to reach his or her potential. If we sow the wrong words, it will bring about deceit, strife, malice etc.

Human beings are such that even when we are wrong, nobody likes been corrected so be careful with how you correct others.
Be humble with your words. Hurtful words can escalate an already dreadful situation. A true friend always cares about the feelings of others so always speak the truth in love.

Many of us have broken hearts, broken trust, broken friendships and relationships because of the hurtful things we’ve said about someone.
If you hear something about someone, don’t hurriedly jump into conclusion.

Ask yourself if it is true. If you are not certain whether it’s true or not, say nothing. The truth will always reveal itself with time so wait. Careless words break trust; careless words break friendships; careless words cost lives.

Anyone who cannot control his/her tongue inadvertently will speak wrong and hurtful words so please endeavor to control your tongue and watch what you say.

When people say cruel and hurtful things to you, you shouldn’t say hurtful things back nor curse them. Words have creative powers and nobody can take back what they’ve already said. I RETRACT MY STATEMENT RETRACTS NOTHING. Once it’s said, it’s said.

Be quick to say words like “I’m sorry”. It doesn’t matter who caused what; a sorry heart is a cheerful heart. Do not say to someone I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU if you know you won’t and do not say I LOVE YOU if you don’t mean it. Our words require us to be responsible.

Always bear in mind that you more likely to regret the things you say than the things you don’t say. Hurtful words can cut like a knife. It might take you just three seconds to say them but its effect can last a life time so be careful what you say because YOUR WORDS MATTERS.

Pleasant words are as a honeycomb, sweet to the mind and healing to the body. Proverbs 16:24 (AMP)

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Celebrating Fathers

Fathers are the least appreciated amongst our parents. (I stand to be corrected though)

If I’m to ask ten people who amongst their parents they like the most, seven are bound to go for their mothers. Why? Mothers are caring, loving and affectionate; they easily understand and they don’t scold as often as daddy etc.

Well, the truth is, we all love our dads but we are fonder of our mothers… It is a natural phenomenon and I don’t think it will change. Many of us feel more comfortable being around our mother than our father. (Very few exemptions)

Leave or take, the importance of a father in one’s life can never be over emphasized. Father’s are integral parts of our lives; in fact, they gave us life…

They are the bread winner; they provided shelter, clothing, food; they pay the bills (Medical, school, water, electricity etc); and together with our mothers, they guide and help us mold our lives properly.

Take fathers away and life will look vague and ambiguous.

To some of us, the fear of our father is the beginning of wisdom. *He smiles… (Those with strict fathers will understand better)

We all need to first be grateful to GOD for giving us wonderful fathers and be thankful to our fathers for always been there for us and always been alive and committed to their responsibility.

For many reasons, some people don’t have fathers but that doesn’t make them bastards. In fact, there are no bastards. There are only irresponsible fathers.

If you fall under this category, please don’t feel bad. Always know that the greatest father of all is undoubtedly our Heavenly.

Not all of us have/had outstanding fathers. Some have/had great fathers and some have/had not so great father but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect our fathers. Every father deserves to be respected and appreciated.

Some people feel like they’ve grown so they talk back at our fathers. I have seen it a lot of times and I must say it is so wrong. No matter what/who your father is, he deserves to be respected. God in his infinite wisdom brought you to life through him.

Don’t walk out on your father because he couldn’t pay the bills and don’t talk back at him because you owe school fees. What you should do is to love, respect and pray for him to be alive to his responsibilities. Being a father is not an easy thing.

My late dad wasn’t the greatest father in world but to me, he was the best. He taught me so much and I can never stop thanking God for giving me him.

As a human being, daddy had his weakness but so also had he his strengths. He was a man with a great mind and I just wish he is still around.

Nevertheless, I have no doubt in my heart that he is happy for the man I have become. I miss you daddy and I love you endlessly.

This part of the note is dedicated to Comfort Maxwell; Ebi Smart; Victor and Victoria Ita; Promise Ekpe; Esther Sunday; Oluchi Adingupu; Nduka, Estelle and Amechi Chukwuemeka; Me and my siblings and anyone who have lost their father.

Death, though a natural phenomenon, isn’t a pleasant experience especially when it involves a loved one. And in this case a father.

If you’ve lost your dad, please don’t grieve for long. Death is just another stage in life. God knows best so put your total trust in HIM. Believe that if He took your father away, He is going to be your father and guess what? HE will care of you like no one else would.

I know you miss your dad; it is normal that we miss our loved ones when they are no more. Know that you are not alone. God is with you and everything will get better with time. Just trust GOD…

Our daddies might have passed on to glory but their memories will continue to live on in our hearts. May their gentle souls rest in the bosom of the Lord.


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